I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
