is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
