I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
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