Got a toothbrush?
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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