so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
