I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
A+ Viking dick
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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