I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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