Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
