Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
