Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
