i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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