Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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