hell yes lets make some ravioli
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
