it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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