I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
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We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
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If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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