i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
