It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
