If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
