My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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