please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
