so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
