K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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