Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
