his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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