Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
