So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
