Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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