Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I smell stomach acid.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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