So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
