Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
