I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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