Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
