just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
