I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
