I think I won the penis lottery.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
time to smoke my breakfast
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
