who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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