good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I want a musical about memes.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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