I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
