Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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