we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
