just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
