Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
