For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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