He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
3 2 1 whiskey
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
