i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
