i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
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If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
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Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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