Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
