guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
