What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
