3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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