i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
