I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Me too!
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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