I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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