I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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