Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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