You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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