My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
